old shit vol 1

I found this in a manilla envelope, packed away with old stuff. A crumbled heap of papers, scribbled on in black ink. I guess I wrote it years ago now. Its not good, but I have to preserve it for posterity. I guess that's the reason. High school, i salute you.

sl-ow motion sacrifice, gods of drama

the cry of anguish barely heard,
crushed neath noise and lured,
out to die again in bloody fields of ivory.

I tryed and i tryed twice
to stop what was becoming.
I tryed and I tryed thrice
to stop what you'd become.

Shook off like steam in rain,
destroyed to nothing, I remain.
And you watched the last disappear,
hoping for something to exist again.

nothing can exist now,
the ground is cracked and weak.
nothing will ever exist again.
weak again, my friend?

i tryed affection, to no avail.
ruinious struggle was all I found.
Lost and withered now,
shameful
distraught
wishing to bend back time and continue the
struggle.
to no avail.

Like warriors of the wind,
we rode off to battle, searching for enemies non-existing.
And we charged their flank with vicious fervor,
but found them non-resisting.

So we'd lost but we'd won,
and by the setting sun,
We watched the grass grow greener
as the blood ran cleaner.

so we'd trampled them over
and set their corpses to fire?
WE CALLED THEM FOOLS TO OPPOSE US
(but we found them non-resisting)

existing is the great drama
lost are we to its purpose.
i found it once and all along the walls
we continued that circus.

maybe the walls would crumble like ash,
crumble like leaves and dirt.
All things crumble, crumble like ash.
crumble like leaves and dirt.

So i thought, you thought not.
the walls held firm and steady.

walls must crumble on their own.
i thought they would fall by will alone.

but if they fell,
we couldn't be ready.

frustrated i attacked the wall
with fire and flame and ash.
stymied, i fell back,
burned black and charred.

I ALMOST HAD IT! i thought i didn't.
the wall was firm, still undented.
But wait! I had it! the smoke had cleared,
and revealed a passage agape and clear.

i stepped through to find you,
waiting,
arms outstretched and warm.

it was then i recalled all of the wrongs
that had been committed,
romantic attrocities gone unpunished
while we submitted ourselves to...

Forgetting this instantly in your eye,
i walked into your embrace.
I was happy. Happy enough.
Then this...

blind.
shameful wretched man.
blind.
stumbling.
blind still.

not likely.
she was bored.
wind warriors can have no wars.
nothing fights anymore.

the war was over, the men returned to their stead.
But what when their stead was the war now gone to sleep?

warriors with no enemies turn upon themselves.
and i watched myself
from inside myself
turn upon itself.

so what then weary? no longer content.
so who then Leary? no longer content.

searching for a drink to sate my thirst for combat.
I came upon a tune with sung of my caveat.

long i listened,
and thought i heard,
what was being sung and said.

but foolish ears will believe anything
that's being sung and said.

I almost lost! it would be welcome,
to greet death at last.
but drawn i did, drawn to boredom
drawn on and on and on.

combat and conflict, though horrible things,
retain their luster still.
and fighting on through glorious days
is all i wish for now.

swords to plowshares? a fools gambit.
we'd starve than die to nothing.
So we thought, we thought long.
but we didn't die to nothing.

nothing would of been better in fact.
we died of something else.
or perhaps we were reborn again
to drink from the ivory chalice.

and we rose from so called death
but dropped to our knees and wept.
the ground was soft, the air was clear.
the war had come and left.

once again i was free.
freedom.
I grabbed my pole, i brought my lures,
and took a walk into the past.

the past was heavy, it weighed too much.
I struggled, stumbled and fell.
But in that blessed water's reflection,
I saw that all was well.

your face shown out,
framed in waves
with locks of doubled greenery displayed.

A reflection? All it took?
The facade crumbled quickly.
The reason came back and crushed the levy
that had leveled the odds so neatly.

floods of the old began again
and nothing would stop it this time.
The war was over, but had been lost.
no excuses this time.

i could of drowned, and should of drowned,
but drowning wasn't for me.
I dropped to the bottom of that flooded plain
in quiet reverie.

All was silent, all was still.
these waters knew no wars.
everything here fought against nothing,
that was all they lived for.

the reverie continued, I stayed for years,
my mind had lost its body.
I wandered far and wide for many tides
and learned much from what was taught to me.

but all i learned was for naught.
the seas hold horrible thoughts
and soon i knew all the truths
of the deepest darkest blue, for naught.

there lay a rose, crushed neath ocean depth,
crumbled and ugly it lay.
there lay a rose, crushed neath ocean depth.
it had been cast away.

i looked near, only to see
the rose had once been a part of me.
I'd cast it off in my epic struggle,
and forgot it existed eventually.

And i looked around my hollow feet
and gazed upon my standing.
thousands on thousands of crushed and ugly fates
were scattered about the landing.



fin